I dated a guy for almost four years, from the end of high school until almost the end of college. We went to different universities, so much of our relationship was long-distance. We had a decent breakup and I understand that we don't feel ready for the next step: marriage. However, it has been really tough on me. We broke up almost 9 months ago and I don't feel like I have moved on much. Is this normal? He was my first serious relationship and love, and parts of me felt that he was the one I'd marry. Last weekend our mutual friend was married and seeing my ex at the wedding was really tough.
I don't really know what I'm asking - maybe just looking for advice. I want to deal with this in a mature way, because I already found that trying to date other guys (no matter how attractive! ha) doesn't help - if anything, it just makes it worse.Getting over a long-term relationship breakup. Advice?
*hug* I'm sorry you're going through this. It took me years to get over the breakup from my first serious relationship (which lasted three years), so I know how tough it can be.
Breaking off a long term relationship has to be one of life's more difficult challenges. Too often we stay in a relationship far too long in the hopes of reviving what we once had together. I read once that ';its hard to say where love ends and habit takes over.'; what a true statement that is! We get comfortable even in adverse situations if we stay long enough. I am sure we all have those friends that we probably would not be friends with if we hadn't known them since childhood. Love is no different. We grow and change and sadly often times we grow in different directions.
While change is difficult and stressful it is most often for the best. When your relationship has lost it's flavor, and you've done all you can to revitalize it, you do know in your heart that its time to move on. In doing so you will preserve your self-respect and your dignity.
Staying in a relationship that causes you more heartache than happiness will eventually tear down your esteem, making leaving even more difficult.
Staying in a relationship because you do not want to hurt the other person is more hurtful than anything you could do to that person. You will be resentful and angry at the burden they are to your life. You will hurt them every single day no matter how kind you may think you are being. They will feel your distance.
Hurt me with your honesty and you will walk away guilt-free in the end. I may cry and carry on and you will feel bad for a time. You will feel good in knowing that I loved you and that I am sad to lose you. I will get over it. People don't die from rejection. I will move on and I will be your best reference ever for I will respect your honesty and integrity. Once the tears pass, I will see that you cared enough about me to tell me the truth. Treat me kindly, honestly and with respect and you will always have a place in my heart whether you stay or leave.
The most important thing you can do right now is just to try and take care of yourself. Remember that your friends and family really love you, and that you're not alone. I know it really hurts now, but this too shall pass. Try to do things which will make yourself happy; spend some time with your closest friends. Dealing with the pain itself can be really hard...you need to accept it in order to heal (ignoring it will only make it worse), but try not to dwell on it to the point where you're constantly miserable.
It hurts, burns, and truly feels like the world is going to end - however it is not, just make sure that you don't do anything that you regret. Make sure you grab hold of a piece of your pride - even if you have to fabricate pride, hold it up in front of yourself and when you really want to call him. Lastly, don't blame yourself. It was his choice to leave, you did nothing to drive him away. Sometimes we get comfortable with that person so much we forget why we are in a relationship. ALL relationship weather dating engaged or married-take real work. Have you thought of getting a hobby or supporting friends?
Hope this helped!
JGetting over a long-term relationship breakup. Advice?
unfortunately, only time will help you now, sometimes, lots of time! If you can just take the good things about the relationship with you and focus on what you learned, you have to file the guy away, and try to forget what might have been. Start being comfortable being single, your never alone, and one day you will meet someone, and the only thing you will think of your ex is,';thank goodness I'm not with him!'; There is someone so much better in your future.
Time will take care of this. Don't be in a hurry to replace him. I was in your shoes, once. I went with a gal that I was just so sure I'd marry. She later broke it off with me, and I thought I'd get over it quicker by dating other women. As nice as they were, I was wasting their time, and mine. I would think of ';Michelle'; when I was at the movies with ';Rhonda';, or at a dinner party with ';Lori';. Time is what really works the best. Good luck to you.
There is no easy answer. Im still not over my ex of 5 years. I actually was suppose to get married to him and had to call it off a few months before the wedding. Thats worse than in your case. Believe me.
You and your ex just grew apart. It is normal to still have feelings since you just saw him at a wedding. You need to just get out with friends and meet new men. Throw away all the pictures you have of him. It helps to forget what he looks like that way.
Yeah its deff. normal. I mean four years is SUCH a long time. So my advice for you is not to keep such a distance away from your ex becasue it will only make things ackward when you see him agian also dont be BESTFRIENDS with him becasue it will make it harder to not love him. So you should just live your life even if it is hard, and who knows maybe when you guys meet up agian you both might be ready for marrige. Hope this helppss :)
hi i know it is very difficult to break up with some one that you love but some times it is better to break up then living in heal life so you broke up almost 9 months and he did not try to return or call so i think he does not deserve you and you have all the time to find that man that appreciate you for you.
best of lock and life goes on.
the way you feel is completely normal. you obviously cared for him. Nice that you have tried dating again, shame it didn't feel right. Maybe if you concentrate more on other aspects of you first ie.go on a weekend tip, visit old friend, whatever. When you are ready to date again if will come to you, its not a matter of 'how long its been' its a matter of when ever your ready, take your time. It'll get easier.
Best wishes
well, time is #1, im sure you know that. lol and also friend time for sure. get out alot, never have a boring day, girls night out is fun, have some days planned for you and relax, book a cheap spa and get pampered, theres nothing like feeling on top of the world, but dont go out spending tons of money. it makes you feel better but after its not good lol. forget about relationships for awhile and focus on friends and family. you'll bounce back soon.
it's tough in the beginning. but you'll see that all you need is time and you will move on. try to think of the bad things about him. i know its wrong but it may help you forget about him. it may not help either but hey its worth the try. just keep dating other guys chances are you will find ';the one';.
It's entirely normal to feel a longing for a person you spent so much time with. It takes time, but any steps toward healing are improvements. Dont push yourself to heal instantly, just allow yourself a little more each day. And especially dont let friends or family pressure you to heal any faster. Over time, you will find you no longer feel a desire for him.
Life just keeps sneaking up on us while we're making other plans! I'm sorry you are feeling sad...and agree with others here that time will heal your pain! It is important to begin busying yourself in your daily life. Find new interests and continue to develop old interests. Plan and carry out activities with other women, as well as your family. Dive into your career. The more interests you have...the more interesting you'll be! While there NEVER is another FIRST love, new love is out there....and twenty years from now, you'll be looking at your first love with fondness and a pleasant slew of good memories! Good luck and God bless!
Don't go all crazy slashing tires and **** go home, drink a lot, smoke pot, do whatever it takes but please channel it inward and effect yourself only cause dragging everyone else into it is rude...... too much drama there are a bunch of guys out there fish in the sea etc etc
well me we were neighbors. i don/t know why. every time i come over. then we start to argue every time. ok we didn/t stop and think. we broke up early. i was upset about it. i couldn/t go to my prom. i don/t hold a grudge. now were talkin. asked god to help ya.
Just find things to replace him with. Read a book, get into a series on DVD or go spend a day at the beach with family. Keep yourself as busy as possible and talk to someone without overwhelming them with it.
it just takes some time
Honey, that is normal. There is no easy answer. Everyone moves on at their own pace. You might have to just ride it out. You do have to try and do things that make you happy. You could just date casually to get out. Just tell the guy in advance that you're not looking for anything serious at this time. You don't want to be cruel. This way there is no pressure on you. You will eventually resolve this in your own time. I am like you in the fact that it takes me a long time to move on. Others I know bounce back faster. It's all okay! Goood Luck.
gosh have/had a problem kinda like thiz ...date other guys sumtime does work help you take your mind off them ..i found ways to not think about him at all avoid things that we did together gettn rid of all his things or things that reminded me of him ..me knowing that he was seein other ppl sumtimes helped me out ..also talking to him jus keepin in contact ..no talkin or being around each other at all works alot ..i felt like i was gonna die without this guy ..but i opened my option and went after things that was better then him !!!!
The first one is usually the toughest to get over. Your feelings are normal you invested time out of your life that you will never get back. Take time to reflect on the positive parts of the relationship; these thiings will help you down the road. You should also look at where you went wrong in order to avoid these same pitfalls later.
Time does heal all wounds but, we never know individually how much time that takes. It sounds to me like you will be fine. As you bury yourself into everyday life more and more the pain and sense of loss will become more distant. Keep your chin up and know that this will pass.
i understand, i think you should try to not think about the past and try to think about how maybe there is someone out there who is better than your ex BUT if you can't stop thinking how you feel about him, why don't you tell him...he might feel the same and i mean what if you two were meant to be together,although i do believe in destiny and you might not be meant to be together but you should talk to him...i think one day you will find that one person who is meant for you, just keep searching, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
It's definately hard to let go a relationship that's been long, that too being the first serious one. The reason why you feel that way, is b'coz you're lonely and seeing him in a friend's wedding in their occasion makes you feel even more miserable. You think 9mths is long enough to forget, then you're wrong, it feels just like yesterday, right? Sometimes it takes forever, untill you do find somebody. But it's absalutely normal to feel that way.
I have a friend who's been married for five years and they're like perfect couple. They even went from elementary to high school together knowing they were meant for each other and took the final steps of bonding to each other. But unfortunately for some reason they decided they could not live together and decided to part ways, it's sad but that's how life is.
My advice is to just let go and enjoy life as it comes. Don't keep too much expectations. Besides, you're still very young, you'll definately find your ways to overcome it. I've been there and no regrets, I do have a satisfied life with a loving husband and a child. So, good luck!
