Getting over a long-term relationship breakup. Advice?

I dated a guy for almost four years, from the end of high school until almost the end of college. We went to different universities, so much of our relationship was long-distance. We had a decent breakup and I understand that we don't feel ready for the next step: marriage. However, it has been really tough on me. We broke up almost 9 months ago and I don't feel like I have moved on much. Is this normal? He was my first serious relationship and love, and parts of me felt that he was the one I'd marry. Last weekend our mutual friend was married and seeing my ex at the wedding was really tough.





I don't really know what I'm asking - maybe just looking for advice. I want to deal with this in a mature way, because I already found that trying to date other guys (no matter how attractive! ha) doesn't help - if anything, it just makes it worse.Getting over a long-term relationship breakup. Advice?
*hug* I'm sorry you're going through this. It took me years to get over the breakup from my first serious relationship (which lasted three years), so I know how tough it can be.





Breaking off a long term relationship has to be one of life's more difficult challenges. Too often we stay in a relationship far too long in the hopes of reviving what we once had together. I read once that ';its hard to say where love ends and habit takes over.'; what a true statement that is! We get comfortable even in adverse situations if we stay long enough. I am sure we all have those friends that we probably would not be friends with if we hadn't known them since childhood. Love is no different. We grow and change and sadly often times we grow in different directions.





While change is difficult and stressful it is most often for the best. When your relationship has lost it's flavor, and you've done all you can to revitalize it, you do know in your heart that its time to move on. In doing so you will preserve your self-respect and your dignity.





Staying in a relationship that causes you more heartache than happiness will eventually tear down your esteem, making leaving even more difficult.





Staying in a relationship because you do not want to hurt the other person is more hurtful than anything you could do to that person. You will be resentful and angry at the burden they are to your life. You will hurt them every single day no matter how kind you may think you are being. They will feel your distance.





Hurt me with your honesty and you will walk away guilt-free in the end. I may cry and carry on and you will feel bad for a time. You will feel good in knowing that I loved you and that I am sad to lose you. I will get over it. People don't die from rejection. I will move on and I will be your best reference ever for I will respect your honesty and integrity. Once the tears pass, I will see that you cared enough about me to tell me the truth. Treat me kindly, honestly and with respect and you will always have a place in my heart whether you stay or leave.





The most important thing you can do right now is just to try and take care of yourself. Remember that your friends and family really love you, and that you're not alone. I know it really hurts now, but this too shall pass. Try to do things which will make yourself happy; spend some time with your closest friends. Dealing with the pain itself can be really hard...you need to accept it in order to heal (ignoring it will only make it worse), but try not to dwell on it to the point where you're constantly miserable.





It hurts, burns, and truly feels like the world is going to end - however it is not, just make sure that you don't do anything that you regret. Make sure you grab hold of a piece of your pride - even if you have to fabricate pride, hold it up in front of yourself and when you really want to call him. Lastly, don't blame yourself. It was his choice to leave, you did nothing to drive him away. Sometimes we get comfortable with that person so much we forget why we are in a relationship. ALL relationship weather dating engaged or married-take real work. Have you thought of getting a hobby or supporting friends?





Hope this helped!





JGetting over a long-term relationship breakup. Advice?
unfortunately, only time will help you now, sometimes, lots of time! If you can just take the good things about the relationship with you and focus on what you learned, you have to file the guy away, and try to forget what might have been. Start being comfortable being single, your never alone, and one day you will meet someone, and the only thing you will think of your ex is,';thank goodness I'm not with him!'; There is someone so much better in your future.
Time will take care of this. Don't be in a hurry to replace him. I was in your shoes, once. I went with a gal that I was just so sure I'd marry. She later broke it off with me, and I thought I'd get over it quicker by dating other women. As nice as they were, I was wasting their time, and mine. I would think of ';Michelle'; when I was at the movies with ';Rhonda';, or at a dinner party with ';Lori';. Time is what really works the best. Good luck to you.
There is no easy answer. Im still not over my ex of 5 years. I actually was suppose to get married to him and had to call it off a few months before the wedding. Thats worse than in your case. Believe me.


You and your ex just grew apart. It is normal to still have feelings since you just saw him at a wedding. You need to just get out with friends and meet new men. Throw away all the pictures you have of him. It helps to forget what he looks like that way.
Yeah its deff. normal. I mean four years is SUCH a long time. So my advice for you is not to keep such a distance away from your ex becasue it will only make things ackward when you see him agian also dont be BESTFRIENDS with him becasue it will make it harder to not love him. So you should just live your life even if it is hard, and who knows maybe when you guys meet up agian you both might be ready for marrige. Hope this helppss :)
hi i know it is very difficult to break up with some one that you love but some times it is better to break up then living in heal life so you broke up almost 9 months and he did not try to return or call so i think he does not deserve you and you have all the time to find that man that appreciate you for you.


best of lock and life goes on.
the way you feel is completely normal. you obviously cared for him. Nice that you have tried dating again, shame it didn't feel right. Maybe if you concentrate more on other aspects of you first ie.go on a weekend tip, visit old friend, whatever. When you are ready to date again if will come to you, its not a matter of 'how long its been' its a matter of when ever your ready, take your time. It'll get easier.


Best wishes
well, time is #1, im sure you know that. lol and also friend time for sure. get out alot, never have a boring day, girls night out is fun, have some days planned for you and relax, book a cheap spa and get pampered, theres nothing like feeling on top of the world, but dont go out spending tons of money. it makes you feel better but after its not good lol. forget about relationships for awhile and focus on friends and family. you'll bounce back soon.
it's tough in the beginning. but you'll see that all you need is time and you will move on. try to think of the bad things about him. i know its wrong but it may help you forget about him. it may not help either but hey its worth the try. just keep dating other guys chances are you will find ';the one';.
It's entirely normal to feel a longing for a person you spent so much time with. It takes time, but any steps toward healing are improvements. Dont push yourself to heal instantly, just allow yourself a little more each day. And especially dont let friends or family pressure you to heal any faster. Over time, you will find you no longer feel a desire for him.
Life just keeps sneaking up on us while we're making other plans! I'm sorry you are feeling sad...and agree with others here that time will heal your pain! It is important to begin busying yourself in your daily life. Find new interests and continue to develop old interests. Plan and carry out activities with other women, as well as your family. Dive into your career. The more interests you have...the more interesting you'll be! While there NEVER is another FIRST love, new love is out there....and twenty years from now, you'll be looking at your first love with fondness and a pleasant slew of good memories! Good luck and God bless!
Don't go all crazy slashing tires and **** go home, drink a lot, smoke pot, do whatever it takes but please channel it inward and effect yourself only cause dragging everyone else into it is rude...... too much drama there are a bunch of guys out there fish in the sea etc etc
well me we were neighbors. i don/t know why. every time i come over. then we start to argue every time. ok we didn/t stop and think. we broke up early. i was upset about it. i couldn/t go to my prom. i don/t hold a grudge. now were talkin. asked god to help ya.
Just find things to replace him with. Read a book, get into a series on DVD or go spend a day at the beach with family. Keep yourself as busy as possible and talk to someone without overwhelming them with it.
it just takes some time
Honey, that is normal. There is no easy answer. Everyone moves on at their own pace. You might have to just ride it out. You do have to try and do things that make you happy. You could just date casually to get out. Just tell the guy in advance that you're not looking for anything serious at this time. You don't want to be cruel. This way there is no pressure on you. You will eventually resolve this in your own time. I am like you in the fact that it takes me a long time to move on. Others I know bounce back faster. It's all okay! Goood Luck.
gosh have/had a problem kinda like thiz ...date other guys sumtime does work help you take your mind off them ..i found ways to not think about him at all avoid things that we did together gettn rid of all his things or things that reminded me of him ..me knowing that he was seein other ppl sumtimes helped me out ..also talking to him jus keepin in contact ..no talkin or being around each other at all works alot ..i felt like i was gonna die without this guy ..but i opened my option and went after things that was better then him !!!!
The first one is usually the toughest to get over. Your feelings are normal you invested time out of your life that you will never get back. Take time to reflect on the positive parts of the relationship; these thiings will help you down the road. You should also look at where you went wrong in order to avoid these same pitfalls later.





Time does heal all wounds but, we never know individually how much time that takes. It sounds to me like you will be fine. As you bury yourself into everyday life more and more the pain and sense of loss will become more distant. Keep your chin up and know that this will pass.
i understand, i think you should try to not think about the past and try to think about how maybe there is someone out there who is better than your ex BUT if you can't stop thinking how you feel about him, why don't you tell him...he might feel the same and i mean what if you two were meant to be together,although i do believe in destiny and you might not be meant to be together but you should talk to him...i think one day you will find that one person who is meant for you, just keep searching, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
It's definately hard to let go a relationship that's been long, that too being the first serious one. The reason why you feel that way, is b'coz you're lonely and seeing him in a friend's wedding in their occasion makes you feel even more miserable. You think 9mths is long enough to forget, then you're wrong, it feels just like yesterday, right? Sometimes it takes forever, untill you do find somebody. But it's absalutely normal to feel that way.


I have a friend who's been married for five years and they're like perfect couple. They even went from elementary to high school together knowing they were meant for each other and took the final steps of bonding to each other. But unfortunately for some reason they decided they could not live together and decided to part ways, it's sad but that's how life is.


My advice is to just let go and enjoy life as it comes. Don't keep too much expectations. Besides, you're still very young, you'll definately find your ways to overcome it. I've been there and no regrets, I do have a satisfied life with a loving husband and a child. So, good luck!

Serious question about an old relationship - want advice and thoughts please, especially from girls.?

Those of you who read most of my questions will probably find this strange, and maybe I'll regret this and delete it later, but I wanted to ask a serious question.





A few years back I was in a relationship with a great girl (maybe I'm romanticizing a little, but stay with me). She was beautiful and kind. Unfortunately, she passed away and since then I find I can't get or stay emotionally attracted to a girl. Maybe I feel like my heart is still taken since the relationship didn't ';end'; - I don't know. Anyway, I'm sure someone will suggest counseling but I'm not sure I want to spend the money if it won't help.





Please give me some input into why I might feel this way and what might help me feel differently. Also, don't think I'm some mope in life. I'm usually pretty happy and have no problems with friends and even finding a girl to go out with once or twice in a while so I'm not anti-social and withdrawn.Serious question about an old relationship - want advice and thoughts please, especially from girls.?
I know the problem. In your heart, you pictured yourself in the future with this girl that passed away. In the back of your mind, you feel that you are betraying or cheating on her if you date another girl. What you need to do is grieve for your girlfriend, look at her pictures, say a prayer for her, visit her family, go to the cemetery and think about her. You know she would not want you to be alone. Just like if you died, you wouldn't have wanted her to be alone because you are no longer on the earth. I don't think it's necessary for you to see a counselor because you just need to think about this and put it in perspective. Remember life is for the living. It's an old saying but it's true. Good luck and start dating. You deserve a nice life.Serious question about an old relationship - want advice and thoughts please, especially from girls.?
try to visit her grave and tell her its time you move on but you still love her

Help With Guys-n-Girls Relationship? Any Advice Appreciated!?

There is a guy that recently moved to the area with his family. He has a younger brother who has a group of friends with some kids his own age, but the older brother does not have any good friends yet.





My brother usually hangs out with the younger boy, and so does my girl friend, who is the same age as them.





The older guy is very nice and mature, but also seems lonely. As I am the same age as him, I would like to go talk to him.





However, my girl friend (who usually follows me around everywhere) wears rather revealing clothes and likes flirting, and she has flirted with both brothers before.





She prefers the company of the guys her own age, and I'm sure she wouldn't mind being the only girl there.


But I don't want to leave her alone with them, for both her and my brother's sakes.





However, if I take her along to talk to the older brother, I'm afraid she will start flirting, which would make the atmosphere uncomfortable and cause him to misunderstand my motives.Help With Guys-n-Girls Relationship? Any Advice Appreciated!?
If you can follow your brother and her to his house you can drift away from the younger group and talk to him. He probably hasn't made friends yet because he is intervened. He can talk but in a group it can become tiring, so he probably doesn't have the energy to break into a click. That is if he is intervened, but he wont mind having a few close friends.Help With Guys-n-Girls Relationship? Any Advice Appreciated!?
well first of all try to little by little talk to him until he talks to you back. once that is done and you and him have open up to each other try to go on a double date with that girl, but tell her first not to flirt too much or she'll catch his eyes, and since she knew flirting and used to date him ask her for tips about how to get him easily. i told this to my friend but we didn't really went on a dd but it still work.





ps. dd means double date.
Just bring her! You will find out really quick what kind of guy he is!
well im pretty sure there is a time shes not around so when shes not around get ur butt over to his house and start a conversation
Talk to your friend before going over there, and tell her how you feel.
first you need to talk to her and tell her to slow it down on the guys . then you need to talk to him by your self with her not being around you or the brothers . she sounds nasty to me sorry,but it's true .i hope i helped .

Is it all my fault? relationship worries...advice needed.?

I have been going out with my boyfriend for nearly half a year and recently I have been starting arguments. Since I began going out with him I have been insecure. When I dont see him for a while I worry that he is going to break-up with me, It sounds crazy to write dow but I get so worried that I am constantly asking him if he wants to be with me or why he doesn't try hard enough or if he really loves me. Last week we had a big arguement and lots of things were said, I shouted at him for not wanting the relationship as much as me and he got really upset I asked him about 5 times if he loved me and after saying yes 4 times he eventually said that sometimes he worried he didnt no what love was, but when he was with me he knew he did. I was very upset at this point and he later admitted he had been tempted to end it because he felt that he constantly made me sad and cried he said when he wasnt with me he worried he was hurting me. He said he missed us having fun. At the end of the fight he said he wanted to make things work and that he loved me and he really meant it. He has gone away for 5 days and he has text me everday since he went but still I am worried! I think he will break-up with me when he gets home and I spend alot of time analysing everything we said in the fight...I hate myself for worrying and I know its bad and I wish I could stop. I'm wondering if my problem is that every guy I've been with has left me or cheated and my dad left before I was born...??? Any advice!!!!???????Is it all my fault? relationship worries...advice needed.?
I often feel the same in my own relationship, but you have to know that your insecurities are your own worst enemy in this case. Trust him when he tells you he loves you (from the sounds of it he cares about you a ton!) and don't keep asking him every five seconds because being so insecure could ultimately drive him away, even if he does want to be with you. Is it all my fault? relationship worries...advice needed.?
just talk it over, and instead of jumping to conclusions or accusing him, let him talk, ask him how he feels about all this.





it seems to be just a trust issue, just talk it over.





you just gotta have faith in him, good luck%26lt;3
Way too much drama, girl.
you should trust him. it is hard at first but if you really love him you should forget all your doubts and if he's worth it he won't disappoint you. i know this is a good way to get hurt, so if you decide to do this, think hard about whether you truly trust him and love him enough. sometimes things don't turn out as bad as it would seem.

rimmel

What's the best love /relationship/marriage advice you could give anyone?

Mine would be: 1. don't worry about what everyone else says, feel the man out for yourself if he's right for you 2. Girls are like apples on an apple tree, the ones at the top not many guys go for because they can tell they aren't easy to get to. The ones at the bottom many guys will go after because they know they don't have to do much work to get them, thus the really nice guys that want a good woman will chase after the classy ladies at the top. So don't get it twisted if not many guys come up to you at the mall compared to your girlfriends, it might be because you don't look easy. 3. If a guy's worth your time, he will work for what he hasWhat's the best love /relationship/marriage advice you could give anyone?
I would say, whatever your issues are, make sure you TALK about them and don't let anything build and fester because that always leads to mount vesuvius type erruptions on the argument scale!





Expect that things will go wrong from time to time but don't lay the relationship on the line because of the bad stuff, you're both only human and mistakes, however bad, do happen.





Don't go to sleep on an argument.





Try not to argue in teh first place. Shouting really gets you no-where.





Do little things for one another that help in some way as often as possible.





Tell eachother you love eachother every day.





Make time to cuddle.





Don't listen to anything anyone else has to say about your man/woman, its your life. Unless they did something REALLY bad then give them a chance.





Go with your gut.





Just be happy.





I've been married for 3 years to a guy who proposed to me after 3 days, it was unconventional but it works for us! We don't argue, we give eachother space to do our own things, jealousy isn't a factor, we talk about things, we're very honest with one another.





Life can be good.What's the best love /relationship/marriage advice you could give anyone?
Mine would be don't ever go to bed angry





Leave the past in the past adn don't get upset about someone elses past, they had a life b4 you came along!!!!





Love is about understanding not judging, we all to often judge our counter parts instead of trying to understand. I think that people don't realize that judging somebody instead of trying to understand them is called ignorance! There is no excuse for it!





It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;


what is essential is invisible to the eye
Communication is the key to everything. Be honest, respectful and open and don't be afraid to make the other person mad. Don't go to bed angry and don't drive off angry, you never know if you will get another chance to tell the other person you are sorry.
Be tolerant, respect everyone's own pace, realize that what woman value most aren't necessarily what men value based on that avoid arguments on your personal values and respect each others'. Live it one day at a time without questioning.
Always be patient with your partner. Don't give up after one mistake always try to fix it. Don't worry about the small things. And laughing is the best medicine of love.
Always be yourself, maintain your individuality, and don't put up with anything at the beginning that will drive you nuts down the road.
It sounds like you answered your own question. :(





I would say, be honest, open and have lots of freaky sex. Exploring fetishes makes for a happy home.
get out now while you can
I always say there is no love without trust. Only what you think truly matters.
Girls are like phones if you press the wrong button your disconnected.
that's pretty much what i'd say ...sounds good. also, make him wait until marriage ..that's how you know he's faithful to you..%26amp; not just your coochie.
Compromise and Loyalty
Dont get wrapped all up in one guy their are many other fish in the sea.
hoensty and communication
The best advice. Dont get into one.
Be honest.
Have a verity of sex and lots of it
you're ugly and he's cheating on you
I don't know about relationship or marriage, I don't have experience in those.





I do have experience in how to attract girls. 1)Don't hide your desires but don't be needy. You want her but don't need her. 2)Have a life/passion outside of women. 3) Quoate'; If I think I have a problem, I will change. If you think I have a problem, *** YOU.'; 4) Focusing on an intention gives you confidence. If your intention is to get her number, focus on it and you WILL get it. If your intention is to get a second date and you focus on what you are gonna say next, well you are screwed. You will come off as not confident. what else 5)You are not below anyone nor you are better than anyone, you are just an essential part of a whole. 5)Always look for ways to improve yourself, time is not an issue. You have all the time you need.

URGENT ADVICE NEEDED, New mortgage and relationship breakdown?

A close friend of mine has just found out his girlfriend has been cheating on him for the last few months. They have only been in their new home a few weeks, they also have a child together.





Advice needed for UK please.





What can he do about the mortgage? Its joint and he cannot afford it on his own. As far as I know, they have signed for 2 years. Will they be penalised for selling up only a month into it?





Any other useful advice or links much appriciated!


Thanks.URGENT ADVICE NEEDED, New mortgage and relationship breakdown?
your friend should contact citizen's advice bureau for some free advice, see this link to find nearest http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/n6w/index they will explain all his options and legal rights so he can make a choice.


it might also be an idea to see a local solicitor, they often offer free initial meetings, and he can get some free advice, to find one who deals with this matter see the community legal services' website http://www.clsdirect.org.uk/index.jsp


mediation may also be an option - there is nothing to say that this is the end of the road for the couple, perhaps they can get through this with some support!?


if it is over and she leaves the property he could consider taking in a lodger to cover the mortgage payments to avoid the penalties of selling.


i'm sure there are many options, but he needs to seek professional advice asap before making any rash decisions.URGENT ADVICE NEEDED, New mortgage and relationship breakdown?
personal feeling,s aside [I know....easier said than done] it seem,s they entered a legal agreement together....%26amp; are both responsible for their end of the agreement......if they can see past their personal problem,s [at least for the child,s sake] %26amp; share the home ....on a platonic level....untill the end of the contract.......they can escape penality fine,s....%26amp; legal problem,s.
probably will be penalised or even not allowed to sell. If enough room, maybe switch bedrooms and suck it up for a bit whilst try to figure out.


Let her keep the house, she buy him out of anything he has contributed and he move on, rent blah, nearby to see the kid etc, unless it's him who is the primary carer for child then she move out and he take in a lodger/extend mortgage repayment time/ask folks for help?


He could always try to figure out why she did it and maybe try to forgive her and try to patch things up, very hard to do but it could buy him some time and keep the relationship friendly (for the kid mainly). Oh and if it gets at all sticky, get a solicitor.
They should sell it. There is not penalty.
Not what your friend wants to hear, but he shouldn't do anything. Stay with the mortgage, stay with the child, just wait a bit. No need to stay faithful to the woman, but stay faithful to the child, and stay in the house for a couple of years. Break ups are expensive and they keep you poor. He should bide his time and not be forced out of his house and away from his child because of her bad behaviour. Relinquishing a mortgage at this stage has penalties and he should go when it suits HIM not her.
they need to go to the bank and discuss their individual circumstances, which means they'll have to be brave big and mature while this is all being settled, put their differences aside and be nice to each other, especially as they have a child
Sell the house!
Citizens Advice Bureau may be a good place to start.


Also Google 'mortgage law' then narrow the search down to better key words.





Their lawyer can ask for sight of the policy and go through the small print if they haven't got a copy of it.

Has your relationship survived something like this? I need advice; best gets automatic 10 points!?

I just took my boyfriend back after he hurt me by getting a little too close to a friend of his (a girl, of course). Have you and your loved one gone through something like this (emotional cheating, etc) and survived in the long run? Please tell me your story and share some tips-- the best gets an automatic 10 points! Please help me; I really need some advice! Thank youHas your relationship survived something like this? I need advice; best gets automatic 10 points!?
i havent gone through it, but my friends have, and i always seem to help them. The first time if he wants you back take him, but if he does it again, kick him to the road, or if the second time it just dont feel really anything the same as it use to be the first time, tell him friends sond to be better.Has your relationship survived something like this? I need advice; best gets automatic 10 points!?
I haven't gone through it but I know a lot of girls like my bf because he's just a really nice guy


I think since he's already hurt you he still has to earn your trust back


I understand the worrying thing but you gotta learn to trust


I would be a little cautious if i were you though


I'm not saying that you guys can't patch things up, you probably can


don't let him hurt you though, no guy is worth it
Ugh...I think you have to turn a complicated situation into a simple one: enforce the ultimatum--';her or me';. Your situation is going to get too dicey %26amp; dramatic if things continue the way they are going. Why put yourself through that???
dont you ever watch jerry springer?
I have gone through this; and we have now been together for 3 years...





Ok my boyfriend had a girlfriend ((his BEST friend)) and I was had no reason not to like her.. she made him happy and because I cared for him why wouldnt I want him to have someone like that in his life??





Well I stated noticing some wierd behavior. I would come over and she woudl just be getting out of the shower? ((my bf wasnt even home)) and she would say ';oh rick never cares if i am over here i usually get ready at his house'; well i wasnt ok with this obviously and rick basically told me to deal with it...





she started bringing her girlfriends over. (( this is after i stated to live with him )) when i woudl be at work i would come home and there would be like 4 girls that i didnt even know in my living room treating me like a stranger....





so i started to tell rick that i wasnt comfortable and that he was treating this girl more like a girlfriend than me.. walking her to her car.. apologizing when he mad her mad.. begging her to stay if she threated to leave.. stuff like that..





well he wouldnt change so i left him.. and made him choose because obviously it wasnt going to work out.. if he wanted to be with me he couldnt be that close to her.. or at LEAST had to understand that I wasnt comfortable with it





and if he couldnt change that for me thatn I didnt need to be with him because I know there is a man out there that would do that for me..





I dont know if I was just over jealous.. but it worked out for us.. he stopped making me uncomfortable.. pulled away from her for a while and they are still friends to this day..





she just doesnt show her nasty self around here any more !: )