Serious relationship question. Advice needed.?

Alright. I've been dating this guy for a year and a half. I know we are meant to be together, I can't explain it. But I just know. So, breaking up with him is not good advice. I just need to know how to handle this situation-





After 11 months of dating, we had sex. It was just something that happened in the moment, and we didn't really plan it. He decided after that that it was a huge mistake and we shouldn't do it again. I agreed, but I was kind of hurt because it was the first time for both of us, and I hated that it ended in him saying he didn't want to do it again until we were married.





But, we started having sex semi-regularly two months after that. Every time we have had sex, its been instigated by him. Its not that I don't want to do it, its just that I don't really have the self-confidence to bring it on myself. Whatever. That's not really important. Last night, I was curious as to why he had changed his mind about sex, he looked at me very sincerely and told me that it was because he wanted to feel closer to me, and that he loved me, and if he knew he was going to spend the rest of his life with me then there was no reason we shouldn't.





So, then today, not too long ago, he told me that he thinks its a mistake and we should wait.





He couldn't explain to me why he came to this conclusion, but he just said that he had thought about it and thats what he had decided. I am hurt because I feel like I've kind of been used. Thats probably a ridiculous way to feel, but I feel like he has just told me this, and then in another two months is going to start all over again. I feel like if he felt this way, then he should have stopped suggesting it from the beginning so I wouldn't have to feel like a slut after he told me that we were doing something wrong and we needed to wait. I also feel like everything he told me last night about how he ';wanted to feel closer to me'; was a huge lie.





I want to tell him all of this, but I don't know how to say it without sounding like I'm telling him that he's a man-whore that used me. Which isn't really my goal. I just want him to know how I feel. Do you have any suggestions?





How do you feel about this?





Girls- If a guy did this to you, how would you feel.





Guys- What is he thinking?





Help me out. I'm really confused, and kind of hurt.





Serious relationship question. Advice needed.?
Maybe he's been taught all his life that premarital sex is wrong and he's feeling guilty about doing it, for religious or moral reasons or whatever. If you know he's the one, then you should not think twice about telling him how you feel.


Sit him down, tell him that he's really confusing you by his actions and his words, because they don't coincide. He may just not be ready for the level of commitment and maturity that he knows should go with having sex. Talking to him will be the best thing to do. Don't accuse, or offer suggestions to him, and if he clams up or won't talk about it, let him be the one to bring it up again. You can def. bring the topic up, but if he doesn't want to talk about it, don't make him. Serious relationship question. Advice needed.?
okay. this guy is a total jerk. this kind of thing is absolutely stupid. guys cant take a relationship seriously until like.. forever. anyways i think u shud move on. get a guy that understands u and a guy that ur not afraid to share ur thoughts with. thats what i wud do. hope this is helpful. my sympathy is extended to you sweets. :)
maybe you guys should get married before you have sex again,did you used condems,if not wait for a month and tell him you are pregnant see how he act then ,p.s. dont listen to volleyba she trying to make you a slut lol
you need to talk about it. He could be having moral, religious issues. He doesn't intend to use you. You have to talk about it.
I would feel used for sure. I would also feel like he was controlling the whole situation. Don't be passive. What do you want? Tell him how you feel and what you want.
Hmm..Try talking seriously to him. Sounds like he does have something going on in that little mind of his, let him know how it makes you feel when he does this.





Marama/problemshelp.help2@gmail.com
I think you should tell him how you feel..and then im pretty positive he will tell you how he feels. i have no clue what hes thinking
hes a jerk! you should explain all of this to him!


i would feel the same!
You popped ur cherry!! Or I should say HE popped it. Move on and do the next guy! Thats what this world has become anyways! People dont wait till they get married anymore! Geezez, Girls by the age of 21 have had more Diock inside them the A whole country has A population! Im talkin AREA code digits!! YUK
I bet he's just confused about his morals


He's not using you otherwise he wuld have broken up with you after sex.


Just talk to him about how your confused and need to know why he's changing his mind





Goode luck
Well that's kind of odd. Hmm... I don't really know why he would do that, but then again I'm not a guy! You shouldn't feel used though, hun, because, I mean, didn't you want to have sex as well? So both sides wanted it, so no one is being used, you know? I mean, he could think that you used him with the same logic! So in short, don't feel used. Since he was your first it might be hard to get used to thinking about the whole situation this way, but hey if you've enjoyed it too, then you're not used.


Other than this, I don't know why he's acting weird. I would say just talk to him and let him know that you don't think he used him or anything like that and tell him that this is just how you're feeling about the whole situation. Tell him you really like/love him and that you just want to know why he changed his mind. People change their minds and decisions that are made may be weird at times, so maybe he's struggling with himself, trying to understand what is right and what is wrong. Maybe back a few months ago he thought that having sex is something normal but after a while, now, maybe he thinks that people should have sex only when they're married. The change in thought might be because of something he has heard, or some change in his religious beliefs etc, could be anything! But that doesn't mean that he used you. Just talk to him to make sure that the reason why he's not having sex is because of a thought change/phase he is going through and not because he is not as close to you as he used to be. Don't forget to make sure he doesn't misunderstand your point :)


good luck dear :)
my 14 year old boyfriend was the same. he basically just didn't feel right doing it with me cuz i was younger... a year or two younger





but if i was older and he did this i would be so totally confused


tell him how you feel. and try not to confuse him. so just tell him you are confused about this.
i had the same problem...just because he is having sex with you doesnt mean he doesnt love you. he is just a boy. at least he know that it is wronge. the thing is that...once you have sex its allmost like you cant stop. you cant stop until you seriouly break up. either that or yall both have to try with all your strength to not have sex. i knw breaking up is hard. but that is the easiest and hardest way to stop having sex. if you love him and he loes you you guys can get threw it and stop. i finally did with my ex...
Talk to him about how you feel. It's by far the easiest way of finding out what he really thinks. Tell him you feel used, tell him how he's making you feel like a slut. If he cares about you, he'll either change his behavior and work with you, or it'll be extremely obvious that he doesn't.
he sounds like he is confused as well. when he wants to have sex he makes up an excuse so you guys can do it. and after he is done, he goes back to being the ';good guy';. If your serious about him, you should talk to him about getting his terms together. And not change them whenever you feel like!
You can explain to him that you're confused and consequently feeling hurt by his flip-flopping decision regarding love making. I think he is feeling conflicted, perhaps because he has been told that pre-marital sex is wrong. I think that's the only reason he's gone back and forth like that. You needn't feel like you've done anything wrong. I think he loves you and I don't think he's used you, I just think he feels conflicted and guilty, for whatever reason. Wanting to make love to you is not wrong, and I don't think he lied to you. Intimacy is a pretty natural progression for a couple who are in love with one another. It's okay, please don't feel upset and try to talk it out with him without accusing him of lying or getting upset. Staying calm and having a heart-to-heart is the best thing you could do.
to me it sounds like he's messing with your head and is a bit of a control freak... you need to talk to him properly about this and demand the truth...are you sure he's not in another relationship? if you feel he is truely the one then you need to be upfront about it, if he still refuses to give you the real reason then when in a few months he trys it again YOU say NO! and see how he reacts... i bet he wont like it good luck
i would be hurt to....Sit him down and talk tell him how u feel....Ask him how he feels if feels that he doesn't want to have sex anymore then so be it remember to remind him of his decision each time he is in the mood stay strong and respect his wishes if he doesnt want to then do put urself in that situation..sex is beautiful especially shared by 2 people who care about each other there is nothing worse or unfair to do then play with ur partners feeling he is obviously confused
The only thing that comes to my mind is, your guy is confused. Is he religious or something? His family maybe? If it happened to me, I'd be as confused, I wouldn't feel like a slut, after all, you are sleeping only with him, and it wasn't your idea to wait to start with. It seems like he likes you, and though he has this moral that sex is something sacred, he is just being a guy in the sense that sex makes them feel connected to a girl.
This man is controlling you by using the oldest device in the world.....sex. He wants it when its convenient for him. Havent you wondered about how he never takes your feelings into being and after he gets his jollies...he bows out...says its a mistake and then comes back for more and still says its a mistake come on......nooooooo it doesnt work that way. What a %^%26amp;*()_


This is a situation you need to get out of and the sooner the better. I feel this person could be an abuser. Does he think you are his %26amp;^%^% . If he thinks of you as a future wife then he better step up to the plate and do some serious thinking. You woundnt do a wife like this. Is this man from some strange religious sect or does he have serious issues with women. Something tells me this is NOT ok. Dont be a fool..... get out
hey, okay i don't think he was using you, he is a guy and sometimes their downstairs department does their thinking for them. dont take it personally :O)





okay, what you need to say is this:





';Hun, you know i love you so much and like you i do believe we will always be together too. This stopping the sex thing is fine with me and if you think it is the right decision for the both of us. i did feel rejected, upset and crazy things were going through my head for a while which i dont want to experience again. i love you so much and want what is best for us, just as you do, so this time the no sex rule is permanent as i do not want to feel like this again';





if he asks why what you were thinking, then you can go into it more with him. i think he was just confused and all men are when it comes to sex . . . they never take it seriously :O)
All you can do is tell him this, or just hold off until he wants to do it agian and say something. But i really thing you should say something now to him.Just tell him that you mind/don't mind.tell him how you feel.
well i'm a girl and if a guy did do this to me then i'd sit him down and say ';i know that you want to feel closer to me but then you say it's a mistake and i'm getting confused. i really like you and i'm not calling you a manwhore or anything but you change your mind alot and after you say it's a mistake i feel as if it's my fault, so i'm asking you to understand on what i'm saying. so if you can will you please make up your mind?';
as a girl from a 3rd person perspective it seems like after you talked to him that he might have been thinking you wanted to wait and was trying to make you happy and not hurt you. i honestly don't think he was using you. Also i know how you feel; you are probably wondering why he changes his mind every so often with no apparent reasoning.


i wish the best of luck to you in figuring out your sex life together
HE SOUNDS JUST AS CONFUSED AS YOU. IF YOUR SO IN LOVE AND YOU'VE BEEN TOGETHER THIS LONG, AND YOU'VE BOTH DECIDED TO MARRY ONE ANOTHER........ JUST DO IT, BECAUSE YOU'VE ALREADY HAD SEX THERE'S NO NEED TO FEEL BAD ABOUT ';DOING IT'; ITS ALREADY BEEN DONE AND YOU SHARED WITH EACH OTHER AND THAT'S NEVER GOING TO CHANGE. JUST MAKE IT SPECIAL NEXT TIME
It just sounds to me like he really is conflicted about sex, that's all. It sounds like everything he's said to you is sincere, and that he really DOES want to have sex with you because he loves you and wants to feel close to you--that is totally natural and good! It sounds like he was brought up to believe that sex before marriage is bad, which would explain the guilt he's wrestling with, and the behavior you're seeing. He loves you and wants to sleep with you, and it sounds like his urges are getting stronger and stronger, and he is able to resist them for a bit but always ends up going back to having sex with you.





So, advice. What do you want to do? Do you want to have sex with him before you're married? Or do you want to wait? I think you should answer this question for yourself and then say to him exactly what you said here in your question. Getting your feelings out in the open will make you feel a lot better, and it may help him to get his feelings out, as well. Good luck, and don't worry.
if a guy ever even tried to do that tome then i personally would break up with him, but since you don't want to do that, then you have to tell him how you feel about it all and see what he says. also, if he tries to start up again in two months then tell him face to face that you agreed with him in the first place that you should either wait a few months longer so you both feel comfortable or wait until your married if your engaged already i would wait until i was married. i would feel much better with my self!