thanks,
SamanthaOkay im with this guy but i need relationship advice ASAP!!?
Hi Samantha,
From what you say, it sounds like you have foundational core values that involve your keeping your virginity especially for the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. This is a FANTASTIC thing. We can only give our virginity away once.
There are a number of suggest you think about here:
1. Firstly, it's important that you think about what's important for YOU. While it is a hard line, the only true way of keeping yourself for that ';special'; one, is in waiting until your wedding night. Even a significant number of engagements end up breaking up before marriage. There are no guarantees with relationships... You need to work out what is important to you and the reasons why, and then stick to this. There's a lot of wisdom in the way you're thinking... and is supported by what God says in the Bible as well and in understanding the history of the Jewish culture where it was a given the women were virgins until they were married, etc.... Going against your own personal core values, espeically with issues such as sexual intimacy, can really affect a person's sense of self-identity etc. I've seen this myself with numbers of counselling clients who ultimately ';gave in'; not because they wanted to, but due to fear or wanting to make their partner happy. While relationships are generally about compromise, some things just can't be compromised!!! (and this area is one of those).
2. Once you've resolved point 1, speak to your boyfriend. Gently explain to him how you are feeling and (if you decide that you want to wait).. why you have this opinion.
I could anticipate that there would then be some attempt on his part to assure you that he loves you and that your relationship is the real thing and secure, etc and that you therefore have no need to worry.... but at the end of the day, you NEED TO STAY STRONG TO YOUR POSITION.... and this will be hard (harder than you think) to do!!!
3. Like others have said, if he really loves you, and he is the right one, he will wait for you. If he says he's not willing to wait, brings the issue up time and time again to try to change your mind and/or pressures you, the the bottom line is that he's NOT the right one.
4. From his perspective: If he has been picturing the way he wants your meeting to be, and then you explain that you don't feel comfortable with it, this would undoubtedly be disappointing for him. Just because he may not initially respect your opinion, and may even walk in the opposite direction, doesn't necessarily mean that, after taking time out to evaluate how much he loves you and wants you in his life verses his need to make love to you so soon, that he won't come back to you and tell you that he loves you and cares enough to wait.
The bottom line is: Does he care more about making love to you, or about YOU. If it's the later, he'll be respectful.
It's a hard place to be... and I've been where you are before, so I understand...
I've recentl;y started a relationship coaching website that will have a whole range of articles on topics like the one you've brought up. One that I've just recently written is on 12 Healthy Relationship Tips... of which many of the points are relevant to your situation. It can be found at:
http://www.the-relationship-coach.com/healthy-relationship-tips.html
All the best, LJ
PS. I'd love to hear what you end up deciding. I can be contacted through my website. :)Okay im with this guy but i need relationship advice ASAP!!?
wow isn't that so nice to think he will leave you and stuff. he sounds like a good guy, and he is a marine .. cmon he is putting his life on the line to protect you.
dont let him make a mistake! shower him with love
talk to him first. if he keeps asking for sex then yea.. he is trying to get your pants off, but if he is willing to listen to you and your feelings, he loves you,
1. he is a guy and he spouse to come see u not u flying there to see him.
2. tell him u are not gonna have a sex u want to wait for the right guy.
ur heart and ur mind will tell u who is the right guy. trust me.
3. u might be in love with him do u think he is?
4. 3 month is too soon to tell someone that they want to spend there life with u.
so i would say care full. good luck.
You are young, but let me say this...always go with your first mind, you are usually right. And what did you say...im afraid that he'll leave me...Go with that..and wait until you find the right guy, because if you're hesitating and asking us for advice, the time is not right.
well just tell him that you do want to have sex but before you do you want to make sure that under any circumstances he won't leave you and if he gets mad then all he really wanted was sex and just leave him just tell him you want to wait
hmmmm that's a hard one, but in many cases it's worth it to take the risk. my advice is that you should just do what's right, and follow your heart because there's always that chance that you'll regret not doing it.
tell him how you feel
if he respects it he's the right guy
if he pressures you, then he just wants to get in your pants.
hopefully he will respect it.
goodluck!!=]
Girl ur thinking right! If he loves u he would understand and wait for u.
Well sweetie, you have to go with what you feel. You are pretty young and you need to think about if a long distance relationship is something you can handle. He's young as well and you have no idea what he is exposed to when he is that far away from you. One thing you should remember is that guys (especially young guys) will say whatever they need to say to have sex with you. I'm not saying he doesn't love you, but in the end you are the only one who will look out for you. So before you go along with that idea of his, trust your gut feeling and do what you want, not what he wants. And if you decide to not go through with it, he should understand (if he loves you)
Tell him what your telling us.
If he loves you, he'll understand completely.
Im still a virgin, and i want to wait till im married.
Because i think about almost the same things.
About how like after wards, if he left me and then its like I lose my dignity and my virginity cause he has seen everything and later if I saw him somewhere id be REALLY embarrassed!
So if he loves you, he'll respect how you feel about things and wait.
No need to rush into things after three months!
Hope this helps. :)
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