I'm with a man I've been with on and off the past 5 years. I love him but he is very emotionally abusive, however he acknowledged it this past week and told me he's going to try really hard not to say hurtful things to me anymore. Much of the reason for the emotional abuse and lack of trust is problems we have had with each other in the past. I'm 24 years old and really want to be in a happy healthy nurturing relationship. I've been praying for God to help us restore this relationship. So far it's not working. Things are so complicated though, we share an apartment and if I moved out he wouldn't be able to make rent and his loan payments. I also just found a decent job in this town where we live which is a reason to stay and my Dad lives in this apartment with the two of us. Last time I broke up with my boyfriend he had a nervous breakdown. I don't know what to do, I really want to just bail and leave this state but I know that's a really immature thing to do. I'm also afraid to leave because I will feel so guilty if my boyfriend can't make his loan payments and rent. How long should I wait to find out if this relationship is going to work or not,and if it doesn't what should I do?I don't know what to do/ relationship advice?
Continue praying Alice....Love, listen and I know this is harder said then done, but it has to been done. If you still want to date him thats your choice, working it out is not a bad thing, but how are you trying to work it out? But I would move out, I would put (as someone mentioned) God first (you know that He is a jealous God) which will in turn allow you to put yourself first. Do not feel guilty, God does not want us to be guilty. You are not doing anything WRONG by leaving him, you are however doing something wrong or displeasing because YOU ARE allowing this guy to emotionally abuse you. He tells you ';Im going to be do better'; but what is backing that up? Is God on the top of his list? does he pray? do you guys pray together? If not this guy is giving you promises that are not going to stand up because he trying to do it without God and that is impossible this guy has a problem and only God can rid him of this, our flesh is weak, God is the refuge. Listen, lift your STANDARDS (I am not trying to insult you, I promise..This is something I constantly tell myself so I dont fall into unhealthy, unhappy relationships as I have done in the RECENT past). Lift your standards, for an example tell him I love you but I must love myself as you must love yourself in order for us to be successful, tell him Im moving out because this is our first mistake (shacking), I know that you may not be able to afford the rent etc but this relationship and situation is not healthy and we can not prosper if we are unstable mentally, if you guys want to still work it out, fine work it out but dont live together and dont place one above the other you guys are suppose to be walking together not one in front of the other. The time is now because years only repeat each other, moving to another state does not make you immature, and the past dont matter it is only useful as a learning tool, to grow, you cant grow if you live in the past, dont let trust issues of the past be the reason of abuse in the future or present because you guys still decided to be together so the trust issue must not that a big of a deal, you guys decided to be together because you felt your love for one another could conquer those problems SO DO IT! Allow your love to conquer!! Remember love is a action and it is not selfish. If you guys love each other you would be willing to do things that will help each other even if it means that you guys can not be together right now. He is hurting you right now!! He is hurting himself right now, because it seems to me that he does not love himself breaking down after a relationship does not show love instead it shows that the person is immature, weak and obsessive (trust me). You know the tree by the fruit it bears same thing with people if he is filled with TRUE Love then he will display TRUE LOVE! I pray for you love.
What kind of relationship do you have with yourself? What kind of relationship do you want with yourself? You owe it to yourself to make God and yourself first.
As I offered before if you still want more insight you can always email me @ taniere5@yahoo.comI don't know what to do/ relationship advice?
Break it off. Move on.
He should be grown enough to take care of himself. He can search craigslist for apartment listings or something. He's mental. It's a long term problematic relationship that has already begun. You don't want to go down that road. Life is too short.
You are not his mother.
Is it possible that the lack of change despite prayer means that God doesn't want you to be in this relationship? This man is not your husband; you should not feel obligated to stay in this relationship and provide for him.
In a 'case' like this one must discern the difference between 'love' and 'emotional dependency', and sometimes 'tough love' would be the answer! (Do and 'inventory' on your heart and make a crucial decision to move on.)
You didn't mention if your bf is a believer in the Lord? If he is, you need to be praying for him %26amp; setting one day a week of fasting for him too. This will take time. He needs to be praying also that the Lord delivers him from anger issues.
There's audio he can listen to on anger...They are about 15 min. each and all according to God's Word.
Here is the site: http://www.doersoftheword.org/audio_bibl鈥?/a>
(scroll down to overcoming anger).
Now if he's not a believer; then you know what the Word of God says right?
Pray the Lord takes him out of your life if he isn't for you. You won't do this or feel bad about it but the Lord will do it.
Surrender it all to the Lord and trust Him. Keep reading the Word of God for it is life to you %26amp; your soul.
Keep going to church and put Jesus first in your life.
If you want to email me...feel free to do so.
The site www.doersoftheword.org...the pastor there has a toll free # you can call %26amp; he gives free Godly advice which is sound. You can call there too...
The Lord bless you %26amp; keep you.
Alice, it is not that simple as him saying he will try and not be hurtful. Emotional abuse is as serious as physical abuse, and it will tear you down, erode your self worth over time and leave you feeling this behavior is normal when it is abberent. He is a grown man, and he will be able to take care of himself. I would pray to god for peace and for divine intervention for the greater good for both of you and your lifes.
If you want a loving nurturing and healthy relationship, that you have to choose a man who knows how to give you that. Sadly, weeds grow rapidly and snuff out nourishment for others in order to serves its own growth, weeds will not turn to the grass.. you have to find that healthy grass amongst the weeds.
Talk to your dad and tell him how you feel. Then pack up your belongings as well as your dad's and get into another apartment.
The reason why the Lord hasn't been answering your prayer requests concerning this guy is because you two are living together outside of marriage. He won't go against His Word and bless this union. I believe you know that already, don't you?
Alice, you are not responsible for this man's debts. Unless, of course, you added to this debt. Then you need to make some kind of financial agreement to pay him back. Other than that you're free to go.
When you finally do take this step then you will find that perfect peace that passes all understanding. It will literally set you free and what a wonderful peaceful feeling that is. The Lord then can start to bless you the way He's wanted to all along.
If this is the man that the Lord has for you then stand back and let the Lord do the work that needs to be done in this person. Right now it doesn't sound as if he's ready for a full time commitment because if he were he would not have placed you in this compromising position knowing how you feel about the Lord. Allow the Lord to do the training it needs to make this man a man. Remember, ';real men love Jesus.';
Take care and God Bless.
you need to leave him because more likely than not he is not going to stop and if you want a good nurturing relationship then you are in the wrong place im sorry to say so you need to talk to him again and if something happens then you should leave him....tell him you dont want to leave him...which i can sense you dont really...and if he doesnt cut out the abuse that you are going to leave him and he will have to figure out what to do about his rent and loans on his own...but that might make him repentant really fast so you need to make sure he isnt tricking you just so he doesnt have to worry about rent and stuff
so good luck!
Hmm I suck at relational advice but here goes. I think you know deep down that he needs to go would God want you living together before marriage? It's very hard but God truly has to be number one in your life.. I try to do this daily and it's not easy for me.. some it's natural and easy other's it's very hard.. anyways .. God can take care of his financial needs without you.. you know this too. Learn to trust God and realize this guy is not worth the heartache...
No comments:
Post a Comment