So about 2 weeks ago I told my girlfriend of about 7 months (dating for over 8, official bf/gf for about 7) that I loved her after we were making out and had made our way to third base. She kissed me, hugged me with no reply. I figured she got caught off guard and it might not have been the best time to tell her. I have seen her about 7 times these past two weeks after I said it, and have yet to bring it up again. One time last week she was acting weird and seemed to be ignoring me, which she said was because of finals the following week (we are both juniors in college, she is a straight-A type) I just wrote it off because I have seen her the past two days and she has been very affectionate with hugs, kisses etc..
Anyway heres the interesting part. I was at her parents house visiting yesterday(Id already met most of her family, but she still wants to introduce me to as much family as possible, which I think is a good sign) and she showed me her yearbook from high school. She showed me her boyfriends and the guys she dated..which ended up being about 4 guys she dated and one boyfriend who she had on and off for over two years..they broke up upon graduation because he went to school in a different state about 3hours away and they didnt want to do long distance. Apparently they are still friends. She could tell right away that I felt akward, and she told me I didnt have to get upset about it.
Question: Am I crazy to think that her not telling me she loves me back would have anything to do with the longterm relationship she had in high school? like she still loves him or something? keep in mind I guess they had been broken up for over a year before I met her, and theyv been broken up almost two years now. Im just asking because I had a friend go through a nasty breakup because his girlfriend went back to her old boyfriend.
Is it all in my head? Do I have anything to worry about or look out for? What should I do next? I feel like Im worrying too much, Iv never had a girlfriend this long before, I have just dated. My plan is to tell her I love her again in a few weeks, and then have a talk if she doesnt say anything back.So the plot thickens...(need some relationship advice if you dont mind)?
Well, it's a good sign that she is still very affectionate with you and is wanting to introduce you to her family. If she didn't care for you, that would never happen. I am sure she feels the same way you do, she may just have a hard time saying it, or is afraid of letting herself get too attached. But, you didn't scare her away with your expression, which is a really good sign that she loves you too.
As far as her ex, he is an ex for a reason and he's in the past. You have to trust that she's not going to do anything to hurt you. Don't start getting jealous of friends that she has that are males as that will only push her away and it sounds like she may be the one for you in your eyes.So the plot thickens...(need some relationship advice if you dont mind)?
Maybe she didn't hear you. Try saying something thing I love being with you and see what happens.
Honestly? You're crazy for expecting her to love you back. It sounds like she REALLY likes you but isn't really ready to say the big L word.
I bet she pointed out other people in her yearbook too. You have to trust her that she's crazy about you, even if she hasn't told you that she loves you.
Give her time! This is a HIGH SCHOOL yearbook - you are both juniors in college! You have nothing to worry about.
Just give her time. Enjoy the relationship!
All in your head. You're being paranoid.
Saying you love some one while making out with them is generally par for the course. Meaning: it's an easy time to do it. Try saying it at a restaurant while looking deeply into her eyes and holding her hands.
On the other hand, she may not be ready to say that she loves you back. She may not feel that she is in love with you. If you want to keep her, don't put too much pressure on her to say that she loves you.
Wow, you are making a connection in your head that just isn't there.
When things happen in relationships, it is natural for us to think of the worst possible scenario. That is what you have done here. Consider:
1. There is no danger in a guy who is a year and some distance away
2. She is with you, not him
3. Everyone has a past, and anyone who doesn't isn't worth dating because they won't be so good at it
4. The universe doesn't revolve around you. (This is a tough one because we like to think that everything in our partner's past involves us to some degree now. Not true.)
Think bigger than this; is this girl worth the long term planning? If so, don't drive yourself nuts with things you can't control or influence. You'll only do yourself and your relationship harm.
Learn and listen, but don't become cynical or paranoid.
Good luck!
lol okay. you told her you loved her when you guys were making out and participating in sexual orientations. notttt the best time to tell her for your first time. im sure she loves you back, but when you tell her you love her. tell her when you guys are on a walk, or just having a good bonding moment. she may of got caught offguard because of the timing you chose to say it. i had this problem once wit my ex. and she thought i was basically saying that to get sex out of it. haha badddd. not the road to go down. next time tell her you love her when its special. not during sexual activity. you will be fine tho.
Well maybe the hugging and kissing you after you told her was her way of telling you she loved you back, i don't really know. However i know from experience that it will tear you up inside if you don't know for sure. So here is what i propose. I say you have two options you could A. ask her yourself, or B. Have a mutual friend (preferably a guy that is closer to you), casually ask her in a conversation like you know ';how are you and him doing....That's good, so do you think you love him?';. And i feel that if she says yes then don't worry about the other guy. And even if she says no then hes probably too far away to be a problem anyways.
you are right to think that she may still have feelings about her ex boyfriend.... when you are with a person for a long time and you break up under such terms you have a hard time letting go.
but the way i look at it is you love her which means you should be willing to give her time. if she is not ready to say ';i love you'; yet then WAIT! if you really love her she is worth waiting for.
but don't wait 2 weeks! talk to her. tell her that you are crazy about and if she needs time that you are willing to wait. nobody likes a pushy clingy boyfriend.
hope this works out for you!!!!!!!
Don't wait a few weeks.
Talk to her now, say I love you, and I wanted to know how you feel about that. If you don't feel the same way that's okay, but I wanted you to know how I feel about you. Go from there.
Best wishes to you, you sound like an awesome guy!
No one really forgets their first love. Perhaps she was hurt badly enough by this previous boyfriend that she's reluctant to say ';I love you'; again. I jumped the gun and told this girl i loved her just a month or so into the relationship. She didn't say it back. But I knew I felt something. And I could tell she had feelings for me. I was patient, and decided to just be the best boyfriend I could be. It took a few months, but she finally said it, without me prompting. She explained it was because she had never had a serious boyfriend, and she had never said those words before.
So I advise you to be patient. The girl may have issues that have nothing to do with you that are keeping her from opening up completely. But if you give her every reason in the world to forget her fears, you'll reap the rewards down the line.
I think maybe you are thinking to much about this x boyfriend of hers... I think you should just be forward with her and ask her what she honestly thinks about you telling her that you love her... and if she cares about you she will tell you honestly.
Hope this helps,
-Megan
I think you are worrying too much. It's hard to say if she still has feelings for the old flame or not. But honestly, there is nothing you can do about that one way or another. Here's my guess: The first BF breakup was because they went off in different directions. Now with you, the two of you are getting to that point where you will be looking at graduation, leaving school, maybe ending up in different cities. So she's feeling apprehensive about making an emotional commitment and having life's circumstances end another relationship.
Just my gut feeling.
She definitely doesn't still like that guy anymore, and she didn't say I love you back because you did catch her a little off guard. Her not telling you she loves you back has nothing to do with that guy in high school, trust me.
Am I crazy to think that her not telling me she loves me back would have anything to do with the long term relationship she had in high school? like she still loves him or something?
YES...if she doesn't' want to share her past relationships with you that is in the past and her business as it is YOUR business to your own past relationships.
This has nothing to do with any long term relationship with a former boyfriend. The past is past.
I suggest you TELL her how you feel and how awkward things are for you and let her talk to you in return. She might not BE IN LOVE yet...and feels you are pressuring her. You can love her ...but not everyone falls in love at the same time at the same rate. She may not know how to handle it.
TALK to her about it...and see what she says. She may not be ready for LOVE and really takes that word seriously...it is used far too causally these days....everyone is in love and nothing ever works out. She knows love can wait and it if it is real it will be there....and nothing will stop it.
so why rush it.??? She has had past relationships before that burned her and she is not willing to do that again..so she is more cautious and taking things more slowly. Why not enjoy your relationship without the pressure????
She is affectionate and is obviously into the relationship...so why rush things? Because you feel you are in LOVE? You can't force it....so if you want to tell her you love her...explain to her you realize she may not feel that yet but you are going to wait for it.
Take the pressure off of her and you and stop imagining things.
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