My mother is in an abusive relationship. advice would be appreciated?

My mum moved in a man she had known for 3 weeks when I was 15. She was 55 and he was 33. She was a rich lonely divorcee who is abit dim. He abused me mentally for years and sexually abused others but not me. My mum would never believe it. He abuses her mentally by controlling her finances and what she watches on tv. She called me this wken saying for the 100th time she was kicking him out. i arranged everything for her . the next day she turned against me for picking on him and that he was staying as she needed a man there to help her. this man still does things to me to this day such as call me in the middle of the night and hang up just to wake me, scratches my car. he hit his first wife and has a conviction for sex offence on a miner. my mum says he is innocent. I want to cut her off, what do you think. I have had 16 years of this and I now have ulcers with the stressMy mother is in an abusive relationship. advice would be appreciated?
She's not taking it from you?


Read this page - and make her read it.


http://www.enotalone.com/article/4112.ht鈥?/a>My mother is in an abusive relationship. advice would be appreciated?
It seems that your mum isn't as miserable as she lets on cause if she were she'd leave this man. And you are going to continue to be miserable with her unless you cut all ties with her and her relationship. You can still love her but tell her you are staying out of the mess she has created with this man, that she's a grown woman and if she doesn't want help, you can't force it on her. As far as him invading your privacy, damaging you property, get the police involved. Although, they are having problems, it shouldn't flow over into your life. If he is arrested for destroying your property, so be it. Your mum needs to see what kind of person he truly is. Other than that, there's nothing much you can do for her. She's got to make the decision to leave him and if you try to make her, she will only end up resenting you for it.
How sad for you. Hang in there and live a good life. Your mother has made her own path, you have done what you could to try and help her. You should definately distance yourself from her and her boyfriend. If you know of any minors he has molested you should report it to the Dept. of Human Services. Your mother is not emotionally healthly, I had a similar childhood. As an adult a wise doctor told me that if my mother was emotionally healthly she would want me to be happy and have a good life. Being involved with her bad choices is not good for you. Avoid contact with both of them, let her know you love her but you can no longer be involved as long as she stays in this situation. You do not say if drugs or alcohol is involved. But I suspect they are. Good luck, live well, be happy, the best revenge is to be happy.
Your mum is obviously in denial of this man's attitude. You should advise her to seek counselling. Talk to a friend or family member of hers who knew about this, hopefully she may listen to a second opinion.
You mum doesn't need support for you are just enabling her to continue with her bad behavior.


Do not rescue her over and over. Get rid of the support and tell her why. She is not taking responsibility for herself - don't you do it!
your mother has to be ready to help herself if she is not ,then there is nothing you can do . Omg you have ulcers girl get yourself to a dr and see if there is a relative you can move in with . You dont need ulcers period but at your age that is ridiculous. good luck and I will pray for you .
Do what you have to do. If your mom doesn't want to accept what this man really is, there isn't anything you can do about it. Tell her that you've had enough of dealing with it and you're done with her and her man. Change your number if you have to. I would also file a restraining order on this man to prevent any further harrassment. Good luck and all the best in the future dear.
If you need someone's permission to do this, then: go ahead, it's alright.





I understand how hard it is to have to cut a family member out of your life for your own mental and physical health. But if that is what you need to do in order to protect yourself, then do it. Mourn the loss of the mother you wanted her to be and the relationship that you wanted to have. Accept the reality of who she is and what she can and can't offer you. If all she has to add to your life is grief, then it's alright to severly limit your time with her or to completely cut her out of your life.





I am concerned that she is in an abusive relationship. If it is at all possible for you to stay connected to her in case she really does decide to leave him, then try checking in with her once a month or once every two months. But if even that much contact is not good for your physical and mental health, then don't do even that. Make as clean a break as you can and start working on making yourself stronger.





If you have children of your own, then work on being the kind of parent to your kids that you wish she was to you.





Good Luck
Wow... sorry to hear this is happening to you. You're mom needs some serious help... serious counseling. Unfortunately, if she does not get any, she will always be unhappy with this abusive man and he'll probably take every penny she has... and her dignity. Only you know if it's time to cut her out of your life... only you can answer that sweetie. You are the one that has gone through all of this. You have to decide if your life will be better without your Mom... sometimes in life, we have to make these hard/harsh decisions about a family member. It's not an easy thing to do...
I'm sorry about your situation, but you need to play hard cop. Tell your Mum enough is enough. You can't help her till she helps herself. She knows she's always got you to fall back on so the pattern will continue. Tell her your not well and can't handle her situation any longer. You've done all you can. This guy should be locked up. Does your Mum have a will? I hope he's not in it as he sounds like he's putting her life in danger. You can't help her now. Just make the phone call and wait. She'll ring you, but you'll have to give her an ultimatum and if she does come round to your way of thinking. He'd over there with a locksmith and lawyer. Even better, she should sell up and get a brand new home with no bad memories.
pranks your phone ? if somebody pranked me in the middle of the night, id set the phone co. up to trace it %26amp; file charges. scratches your car? call the law %26amp; insurance co. file charges !!! thats your stuff not your moms. CALL THE LAW %26amp; FILE CHARGES AGANIST HIM. its your moms fault for putting up with this for 16 years. you dont have to.unless you want to.
After all that time it's probably too late to put on a ski mask and blast him with a baseball bat. But it's worth considering.
That dude is one slick sicko..he is controlling and has your mom brainwashed.


She needs to get counseling asap. It will only get worse..he could end up killing her.


Try and catch him in the act of things he's doing to you..get it on tape,call the police.


Apparently your mom cares more for this guy than she does her own son. If it were me I wouldn't cut her off..cause after she's gone it will haunt you and you'll feel so miserable knowing you could have done more to help her understand what this guy has done to her and you. He'll have all her money and everything. I knew a lady that happened to and her 3 boys were left with zilch. Have another talk with her and tell her if she needs a man to help her,that there are others out there that would be happy to help her and not give her the mental abuse or control her.Try and get her to go to church,or talk with a pastor. Maybe if she gets opinions from other people besides you she will listen to them and finally kick him out for good. Good luck.
What a hard thing for you to go through. Your Mom sounds like she doesn't have much self esteem to put up with him. Try not to cut her off totally, but don't get involved unless you know hes being physically abusive. All you can do is tell the authorities and if they are called they know whats going on. Just be there for her and listen. If he is mean to you, don't go to her house, just have her visit you.
Sorry to hear this but it is common when there is no marriage commitment. Your Mum is the one who needs to kick him out. There is little you can do about it. You need to see a counselor to help you through all of this