My sister is in an abusive relationship advice please?

My sister is 9 weeks off giving birth to their 3rd child. Her husband has been drinking nearly every night for weeks and she has just found out he is cheating on her. She thinks it is all her fault she is totally isolated. Nobody can help her until he hurts her physically. I am terrified for her well being. She wont get help, she blames herself, she has lost all self esteem, she is living in hell and I cant help her. What is the best thing I can do for her? How often should I ring to check in on her? He threatend to leave her the other night but I dont think he will. What can I do for her??My sister is in an abusive relationship advice please?
the only thing you can do right now is just be there for her, she is going to have to hit bottom before she realizes what is going on, my daughter is going through the same thing and it kills me not to be able to help her, she is not going to listen to you right now because she is brain washed by her husband, I know it's hard for you not to be able to help your sister, but there is nothing you can do until your sister wakes up and see's what her husband is doing to her, I will pray for your sister, I hope things work out for you. P.S. the only difference between your sister and my daughter is my daughter is not pregnant,My sister is in an abusive relationship advice please?
Unless you can take her and all three of her children in she will probably stay with him .Talk to her about getting fixed so the situation dose not get worse for her her husband dose not have to know and tell her every chance you get how smart and beautiful she is and deserves better and tell her if she wants you will do everything you can to help her plan for a better life away from him THEN DO IT and guess what there are lawyers that will make him pay for her fees and child support and maintenance
i was in an abusive relationship for 4 years. it almost impossible for a person to see reason when they love someone even when that person treats them like crap. you need to be there for your sister and kindly tell her that your worried about her happiness and her safety. your sister needs to understand that nobody deserves to be treated like that.
where are ur paents , y dont u people tell them each n everything n ask them to work out something ?


was it a love marriage or arranged one ?
What you can do is call CPS and have them investigate.
Hmmm ... I think is time for one of the brothers or friends to kick some ***....
Fundamentally, be there if and when it all breaks down.





In preparation, you could work on building up your sisters confidence and self esteem. A way to do that might be to get to the point that she is running away from... by playing 'what if'' with her. You cant do it all at once, but make sure you have some time.. in case she gets into it !


At least you will have faced the situations and always worked out that they are not so bad as you think (..not good .. but not as terrible..) and that alone is confidence building.





you dont say if this went on before the child...


but if not, this could be just a (bad) reaction to lack of attention due to the 'threat' of the baby arriving.or simply the pressure of that responsibility.


Responsibility, help you sister to try and talk to him about the shared problem of how you both feel anxious about the changes.


Lack of attention, same thing really.. .because the baby is going to dominate the time.. involvment if possible will help not being pushed away.





But it is a what if, he cant cope...


(if he goes, what if./what to do)


and what if he stays, how to ensure he feels included and desired/wanted in the family.





maybe she needs to play what if with he husband to help him ?


but...her first, eh?
Well at this point their is not very much you can do for her unless she wants to get help. All you can keep on doing is talking positive to her and telling her how beautiful she is and how blessed she is to have 3 kids. Even if he were to hurt her physically, and someone called the cops and he was arrested, if she still wants to be with him she will. That is something that is inevitable. Have you tried talking to him? I would sit down and talk to him and find out what he really wants. Does he want to be with his wife or his lover, does he still love his wife, does he want to see his wife go through all of this, ask him why he is drinking, and just stay calm because if you get upset, so will he. And of course if that doesn't happen well just continue to give your sister all the support you can and always let her know she is not alone. Don't talk bad about him either because she might end up getting mad at you for talking bad about him. Just let time do its work. Good Luck
Well as a sister you have to try all you can do to help her. First you have assure your sister that nothing is her fault. All the blame is on her husband. She is only blaming herself coz she still loves him. You need to have a talk with your brother in law. Confront him. Stand up for your sister because obviously she cant stand up for herself. You have to convince your sister to leave him. The only reason she wants to stay with him is that he's the provider of the family and she has no where to turn. You should get her to leave him...maybe he'll be threaten by that. Battered wives always need to leave an abusive relationship no matter what!
You be there for her when she needs you. If you try to tell her to leave him it wont work...what you do is tell her she always has a place to go to if she wants to. She needs to feel like this is her idea, i would guess at home she is talked down to, no idea she has is worth anything, he controls her...This needs to be something she wants and her idea. I would call her while the bone head isn't home, ask her how her day is going and throw in some she is a great sister, anything that makes her feel good about who she is. Let her know how nice it is to talk to her, she made your day...she needs to start feeling better about her, you can help her with this. Make sure to end the conversation with I love you....
Be supportive of your sister. Check in on her several times a day (at least two). Don't tell her to leave him because that will make her defensive and more isolated. You need her to feel comfortable enough with you to tell you when she needs you (needs help). You have to catch her at the right moment so that you''re there for her when she thinks about leaving him. Unfortunately, he will kick her *** a couple of times before she will get it. I would have her come out of the house and spend time with family and friends. Help her realize that there is like outside of this relationship.





Discuss an action plan with her. ';IF HE HITS you again.....'; make sure she is knows exactly what to do so that she doesn't feel lost and hopeless. When I say plan I mean.... Where will she go/stay at? What will she need when she leaves (birth certificates, SS cards, important documents, stash of cash)? What are her support systems ( family, friends, social services)?





Have her contact some of the domestic violence hotlines. Allow her to talk to some of the people they will support her when she is ready.
Hi ,





WHAT! He threaten to leave her the other night ?


What b******t is this ?


Why succumb to his abusiveness ?


Why you care to let her in this way ?


Why not get out from there ?


Who do he think he is ?


Why do he had the right to binge drinking ?


Why no one confront him ?


Why did your sister give in ?


When does this start to break loose ?


How you gonna settle all this ? ALONE ? NO WAY!





I think is time you show your sister this letter and wake her up.


What makes her think that getting out from this hell,


in future will never give her the benefits ?





For what reasons that she wanna stick with the husband ?


LOVE ? If so, she have to doubly hard to get the message across


to his abusive husband, that she's leaving for good.





I don't know how your country runs, when you report all this to the authorities, but one thing for sure,


things had been going out of hand and she can't take this anymore, so why stay ?


Run as fast as you can before it is too late.


If he's not back to get back his wife,


I don't think I'll want this husband back either, do you ?